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Kaleldo (Summer Heat) Loses Steam

Eloisa May P. Hernandez

Sizzling summer heat loses steam in Brillante Mendoza’s Kaleldo (Kampanpangan for “summer heat”).  Mendoza’s directorial skills turn arid Pampanga into a beautiful setting for a family drama hampered by a problematic screenplay. A story about the Manansala family of Guagua, Pampanga, it stars Johnny Delgado as Rudy Manansala, a woodcarver and father to three daughters: Jess, wonderfully played by Cherry Pie Picache, is the eldest daughter and a lesbian who suffers the scorn of her father; Lourdes, played by Angel Aquino, is the favored middle child who is married to a weakling of a husband, Andy (Alan Paule); and the youngest daughter, Grace, played by Juliana Palermo, who is married to a mama’s boy Conrad (Lauren Novero). 

Kaleldo is a movie in three parts; each daughter’s story is prefigured by an element. The first part, Wind, is Grace’s story and how she tries but fails to integrate with her husband’s family. Fire prefigures the story of Lourdes, her failing marriage and costly indiscretion. Water, the last part of this trilogy of elements, is the story of Jess and her girlfriend Weng (Criselda Volks), and is highlighted by the death of the father and ends with Weng walking out of Jess during the father’s wake. The fourth element, Earth, is the landscape of Pampanga. The importance and purpose of these elements in the narrative is never clear. Are these just devices to divide the narrative? Or are there stereotypical characteristics of the elements that are present in the stories of each daughter? Are the daughters’ personalities akin to the elements? The screenplay is out of its element.  The three parts are not woven tightly and is far from seamless; the division is more disruptive than unifying.  It is safe to say that the sum of the three parts did not achieve a cinematic whole.

Kaleldo created a buzz in the public’s imagination with a lesbian, Jess, as one of its central characters.  Once marginalized and close to invisible, there has been an abundance lately of lesbian representations in Philippine cinema with Joel Lamangan’s Sabel, Connie SA.Macatuno’s Rome and Juliet, Auraeus Solito’s Tuli, and Babae by Sigrid Andrea Bernardo. Though films with lesbian characters offer a deeper understanding of the woman-loving-woman relationship, some representations are problematic (Carlos Siguion Reyna’s Tatlo…Magkasalo comes to mind as one of the most).  Even if these films render lesbians visible in predominantly patriarchal representations in Philippine cinema, the discourse about lesbians that these films generate leaves much to be desired. Most lesbians are represented as drunkards (Jess’ lesbian friends in Kaleldo spend most of their screen time drinking or drunk), confused, criminals, evil, violent, and spurned by men they love and so turning them into men-hating lesbians.

Most films also dichotomize lesbians into butches and femmes (for lack of more appropriate terms). The butches are depicted as very macho and patriarchal, and the femmes are depicted as very feminine and subservient.  At the end of the film, the lesbians are turned straight, made to go back to the altar of heterosexuality, and married off to the next available bachelor, thereby fulfilling the heterosexual happy-ever-after plot. Kaleldo places itself in this quandary.  After exposing the flawed heterosexual relationships between Lourdes and Andy and younger sister Grace and Conrad, and portraying the lesbian relationship between Jess and Weng as a stable, loving, caring, and supportive partnership between two women, it chooses to break up and destroy the lesbian relationship and marry Weng off in a church wedding.  Why deny lesbian love its much-needed and deserved happy-ever-after? Why succumb to the heterosexual and patriarchal notion of relationship?

A voice-over narration feebly attempts to explain that Jess had to let go of Weng because she loves her, unlike the kind of love her strict father had for them that left her scarred. Whatever happened to fighting for one’s love?  Where is redemption here? Where is empowerment? Instead of liberating Jess from the scarring and stifling patriarchal love of her father, she succumbs and is defeated by it.

Brillante Mendoza, winner of last year’s Young Critics Circle Film Desk awards for his first film Masahista, creates some stunning picture-perfect scenes with sparkles of cinematographic brilliance that turns lahar-stricken Pampanga into a beautiful setting, albeit some scenes are devoid of context.

The acting is uneven and inconsistent, making it difficult for us to empathize with the characters.  Johnny Delgado’s acting during his daughter’s wedding seems more lustful than loving.  Angel Aquino, Alan Paule and Lauren Novero render forgettable performances. Liza Lorena is over the top. Juliana Palermo and Criselda Volks are competent.

The bright spot in this acting ensemble is Cherry Pie Picache who turns in the most subtle yet searing portrayal of a devoted and dutiful lesbian daughter that still does not command the love and respect she deserves from her father. Picache’s transformation is effective and detailed - in small quiet gestures, a painful look, a longing stare.  Her characterization is intelligent and void of histrionics.  Picache inhabits Jess in a convincing manner and blends with the landscape that is Pampanga. We ache as she strives for her father’s respect, acceptance, and ultimately, his love. We cringe as she is constantly berated and publicly embarrassed by her father for how she dresses. We cheer as she defends her sister from a rampaging husband with a leg of pig as a weapon. We experience her love for her girlfriend Weng with her intimate caresses. We flinch as she is slapped by her father for answering back and standing up for herself and Weng. We sense her fear as she ever so slightly recoils in the presence of her domineering and violent father. We empathize with her vulnerability as she mourns his death.

Contrary to prevalent, albeit erroneous, representations in film and other mass media where the lesbian is typecast as macho, brusque, uncouth, and abrasive, Picache’s portrayal of a lesbian is strong yet sensitive, willful yet tender and loving, and impenitent yet compassionate.  Defying pervasive filmic and societal lesbian constructs, she intelligently captures the nuances of Jess’ character portraying her as a dutiful, hard-working and responsible daughter, a protective sister, and a loving partner.  Picache does not characterize Jess solely as a lesbian, but more importantly, as a person. This is reminiscent of Jeanette Winterson’s musings on being a lesbian in Art Objects, “I am not a lesbian who happens to write. I am a writer who happens to love women.” Cherry Pie Picache’s Jess renders more depth and humanity into a lesbian character than most of lesbian representations in recent Philippine cinematic history. 

Cherry Pie Picache is the saving grace of Kaleldo, and yet it is her character, Jess, that suffers the most tragic loss as lesbian love wilts under the sweltering heat of summer in Pampanga.

Zest and Zany Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal

Eloisa May P. Hernandez

For ICON Magazine

He is not faster than a speeding bullet, nor is he more powerful than a locomotive and he cannot leap tall buildings in a single bound – he becomes a she, and she is Zsazsa Zaturnnah, the Philippines newest, zaniest, and funniest superheroine.  Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal has put back the zest in the theater scene in the Philippines.

Based on Carlo Vergara’s Manila Critics’ Circle National Book Award winning Ang Kagila-gilalas Na Pakikipagsapalaran Ni Zsazsa Zaturnnah, a 2-part graphic novel about a parlorista gay named Ada who transforms into Zsazsa Zaturnnah by swallowing a mysterious stone that fell from the heavens. Zsazsa defends her small town from a giant frog, rampaging zombies, Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux together with her Amazonistas from Planet X, and while doing all these, she captures the heart of the handsome debonair, Dodong.

Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal is as zany and witty as the comic book.  Once you hear the famous line “Yu get yor big prag en go hom en plant kamote, yu samababits, maderpaker shet!!”, you are definitely hooked.  Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal is one of the best laugh you will get this year – this is the ROTL (rolling on the floor laughing), LOL (laughing out loud), and DDF (drop dead funny) play of the year.

Eula Valdez is perfect as Zsazsa Zaturnnah - her strong singing and speaking voice, sexy body, irresistible lips, and competent acting brings Zsazsa Zaturnnah to life. Her arch enemy Queen Femina Suarestellar Baroux is played with less zest and energy by Agot Isidro. Isidro often sounds like she is losing gas and oxygen while singing.  Tuxqs Rutaqio’s Ada, though competent, is eclipsed by the delightful performance of Ricci Chan as Didi, Ada’s best friend and parlor assistant. Chan’s Didi emerges as the unexpected star of Ze Muzikal, with her laugh out loud, drop dead funny lines delivered in sometimes deadpan manner and perfectly timed adlibs, almost stealing the show from Zsazsa and Ada.  Arnold Reyes as Dodong has the perfunctory sexy body complete with noodles for abs but his singing voice is weak and his characterization bland. Wilma Doesnt, Deeda Barretto, Mayen Estañero and Tess Jamias are all fabulous as Amazonistas Dina B., Vilma S., Sharon C., and Nora A. Mia Bolanos is hilarious as Aling Whitney.

Directed by theater veteran Chris Millado, Ze Muzikal is held together by the music of Vince de Jesus and the adaptation of Chris Martinez.  Clearly, they wanted to stay true to Vergara’s graphic novel but still managed to effectively update the lines to respond to present day situations, but the Ze Muzikal proves too long for comfort with too many songs as fillers that do not really move the story. 

Thankfully, Carlo Vergara’s oeuvre remains intact and complete with the “Pagoda Cold Wave Motion Gun” and “Transmorphication Execute.” These famous lines and the unforgettable characters certainly make Zsazsa Zaturnnah Ze Muzikal one of the best and delightful plays of the year.

i just arrived from my 7th trip to palawan. it still has its charm. the first time i went there was in 1996 and i fell in love immediately. i’ve been going back regularly since. In fact, i’m buying some land to build my small retirement house there. Pangga and I decided that we will retire in Palawan.

things to do:
1. stay at casa linda. very cheap. 750 per night for 2 pax. matthew mendoza (former movie actor) might even pick you up at the airport. his family owns the place. he gets cuter everytime.

2. eat at kalui’s, the best resto in puerto. go for the lobster, crabs, seafood sisig (the best). enjoy the ambiance. it is the place to be.

3. go to honda bay. feed and swim with the fishes in snake island. visit a coral reef nearby. skip to starfish island for, what else, but starfish. walk the sunbar. we saw nemo (the clown fish) and patrick (the starfish) don’t forget your snorkel, sunblock, and godiva safe sea lotion.

4. eat at vietville. the best beef stew noodles in the philippines (and very cheap). the fresh lumpia is also great. look for thelma, very good service.

5. go on a day trip to the underground river. the land travel is very bumpy but the boatride from sabang to the underground river has wonderful views of mountains. the lagoon outside is spectacular. you must insist on riding with mang jun as the boatman, he is simply the best boatman/comic there is. warning: do not swim in sabang beach. i was attacked by sand fleas there years ago. warning again: be careful of the monitor lizard roaming freely. shopping tip: there is a small store there where an old manang sells handmade celphone holders and bags out of native (i dont know the material). she sells it dirt cheap so don’t make tawad. it’s also good to help the local economy especially those who make the products themselves.

6.go to kamarikutan kape at galeri for the best palawan chicken and tuyo (yup, they go together). stay awhile. savor the art and the surrounding. have a chat with the nanay ng bayan, "nanay dayang."  and you must meet palawan’s version of darna, dinggot. and the very handsome young man and tennis champion named anito. these three are my family in puerto. they make sure i am safe and well-fed in puerto. i love these three happy people.

7. go to market mall for the cheapest pearls. stall 70-71 (or 71-72) look for ilonggas dindin and maricel. converse in Ilonggo, "Tagpila ini?" (*how much?)

8. if you have time, visit san vicente. geann (the mayor’s wife) of caparii resort is the most gracious host. you’ll have the beach all to yourself.

9. stop at roxas in the corner vietnamese carinderia for the "dreaded shrimp." yes, you read right- "dreaded." i got so scared of it, i ordered and ate it all because it might eat me. 

10. eat at avegon for the best bulalo your body is allowed eat. don’t worry, there are 2 mercury drugstores nearby.

11. before leaving puerto, don’t forget to buy cheap crabs and lobsters at the market to take home. try lamayo, it’s very good. they’ll pack it so you can bring it on the plane.

12.  and the best way to enjoy palawan is to go with your partner, you can hold hands while walking into the sunset.  This is my second trip with Pangga and she had a great time snorkeling with the fishes. I enjoyed the trip immensely because of i was with her.

Thanks, jokla, for the pix.

New York City is seedy, hot, fast, smelly, sexy and steamy.  I did not fall in love with it but I did have some good memories there. Again, how I wish Pangga was there with me. I’m sure I could have enjoyed New York more if she was with me.

Here are ten things you can do in New York, forget the Statue of Liberty and all those touristic stuff, you can look at their pictures in postcards and photobooks.  Here is the action:

10.  Go to Circuit City, Target, and BJ’s and shop til you drop.

9.  Get lost in the subway. I actually felt like a beaver in New York, spending a lot of time underground and just surfacing for air.

8. When you surface from the subway, look at all the buildings that you’ve seen in movies and commercials, except of course The World Trade Center.

7.Walk around 5th Avenue, Avenue of the Americas, Lexington Avenue. Just walk around and feel very New Yorker. Eat hotdog in the middle of the street, everybody does.

6. Go to Greenwich Village and feel the bohemian spirit, even if it is full of expensive shops.

5. Go to Christopher Street, home of the famous Stonewall Inn, the site of the Stonewall Riot in 1969 that is instrumental to the LGBT Rights movement and is commemorated with the yearly Pride marches all over the world. Walk around this historic street, a mecca for gays and lesbians.  And don’t forget to visit the sex shops and buy pasalubong for your partner/s.

4. Stand in Times Square and feel that you are in the middle of everything. I was actually wondering aimlessly, looking for the International Center for Photography, when I realized that I was in the middle of Times Square.

3. Get a lapdance in Splash Bar New York (SBNY for short), the hippest, most popular gay bar in New York. The lapdance was a lot of fun, he was so cute and smelled so good, irresistable yummy yummy yummy boy!

2. Go to the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Museum of Modern Art, Whitney Museum, International Center for Photography, and Guggenheim Museum. I saw my most favorite painting, Salvador Dali’s The Persistence of Memory. For an art history professor, this is big deal. Imagine, everything I studied before, art works i saw in books and slides, I was in front of them. I was in their presence. And they were in my presence. Wow, that was great.

1.  Watch the New York Yankees at the Yankee Stadium. Feel the love for Jeter and the disappointment for A-Rod. Cheer for every play, go nuts over Bernie Williams" homeruns and Derek Jeter’s hits. Thanks, Vergel, for the unforgettable night of Yankees fun. This is the best experience ever.

Thanks, Daki, I had a wonderful time in New York with you. Thanks for taking care of me.

And thanks to Liwanag, Kevin and Gene for sharing your place with me. 

And last but not the least, thanks Vergel for making my dream come true. Hello to your kids and Weng.

Hopefully, when I go back to New York, Pangga will be with me and we could fall in love with the place together. And of course, watch all the Yankee games!!!

Teamed up with Buddy for the mixed doubles badminton. We won the 1st two games convincingly. Then we lost a tight third game because I was so tired already, it was our third match for the day.  All in all, we did well, we won 4 out of 6 games in 3 matches.  We were ranked 5th in the Mixed Doubles Level C competitions. 

In the quarterfinals, we competed against a vastly superior male in the mixed doubles - Mark is a level A singles guy who paired with a level C woman. We were beaten badly. No excuses, he was just better than us. Though I think he should not be in Level C competitions since he’s a Level A player. But like I said, no excuses.

Buddy paired with Nick for the Men’s doubles and they tried their best but lost all games in the eliminations.

But I had a great time. I loved playing with Buddy who is a very "masipag" teammate and always very encouraging.  I also loved hanging out with Buddy and Nick. We met a lot of Filipinos in the badminton tourney like Larry the official, Aaron the Level A player, and the girl who eavesdropped in our conversations and we found out she’s Pinoy too.  And all the other Pinoys that we met who dropped by to watch us and support us. 

Special thanks to Greg and Reggie who welcomed us to their beautiful home, Raymond and Derek (Reggie’s cute uncles who lightened the mood of the games),  Mom and Dad Pike who supported us, Jeff and Jack who never failed to show support, and cute Lance and beautiful Dee made us feel the team spirit.

But I missed my Pangga. We were supposed to play Women’s Doubles. Well, we will definitely go to Cologne, Germany for the 2010 Gay Games and compete together.

Sarap pala ng feeling na international athlete ka na, representing your country pa. Of course, feeling lang yun hahahaha.

The Chicago Gay Games 2006 was a memorable event. Thousands of gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders from all over the world, from all walks of life, converged at the Soldier Field in Chicago’s Museum Campus. There were some right-wing conservatives shouting invectives and bible phrases to the Gay Games participants but we were undaunted.  Team Philippines walked into the field with thunderous appluase with beautiful Dee walking in front of us. Several Filipinos residing in other countries decidede to join the Team Philippines in the athletes parade. The athletes were given light sticks, the stadium lights were dimmed as we opened the light sticks and it formed rainbow lights. It was beautiful.

The highlights of the program was Megan Mullaly (Karen Walker of Will and Grace) who introduced Mayor Richard Daley and Andy Bell of Erasure performing several songs. 

Then the opening ceremonies went down hill from there. The program was long and full of speeches, the performances were below par with some very bad choreography (reminiscent of "That’s Entertainment Wednesday edition hahahaha).  I must say, the Sydney Gay Games opening ceremonies was definitely better than this. Jack and I went back to his hotel early, Jack with a migraine attack, me with a headache due to bad choreography.

All in all, Team Philippines made a good impression in the Opening Ceremonies and we all had a spectacular time.

On a personal note, how I wish Pangga was there with me. My enjoyment of the Gay Games was hampered by the thought that I could not share it with her.

Well, the opening ceremonies may have been badly directed and choreographed but they certainly made up for it with the closing ceremonies. But that’s another story.

Watched a Yankees game live at the Yankee Stadium last July 29. They played  Tamba Bay and beat them convincingly. Saw my love Derek Jeter score runs in every at bat.  Bernie Williams hit a homer. They made a nice double play. Watched with high school buddy Vergel Mendoza from New Jersey. Thanks Vergel, you made my life long dream come true. I am happy.

met the great Cyndi Lauper twice in Chicago Gay Games. First time we met she had green hair, next time she was wearing a rainbow dress and statue of liberty headdress. She is super cool.

buy a copy of my book at the U.P. Press and other bookstores. P300 yata. it’s on second printing already. ROCK!!!

I just love Bangkok, it’s my favorite place in Southeast Asia. It’s noisy, polluted, filthy, crowded, flooded - yet, it is full of life, exciting, sexy, and spicy (in all aspects).

Here are some things you can do in Bangkok when are alone (like I was):

1. eat all the tomyum, curry, thai sweets you can find in the karinderyas. if you can’t take the spice, say "no prik" (means no spice)

2. drink chilled buko from the carts, believe me, the best bj

3. go to patpong (the red light district) and roam the streets and look around (i can look but can’t touch). if you are brave, go inside one of the bars and watch the famous pingpong pussy show

4. go to pratunam, buy all the cheap stuff and eat tomyum in one of the side streets

5. go to chatuchak for the weekend where half of bangkok is, buy the cheapest stuff and eat sesame fried chicken at din pao (stall 4 -1 )

6. visit the malls (paragon, isetann, zen, emporium), there are unbelievable sale in the middle part of the malls. i got 3 original lacoste shirts and a couple of socks for a bargain (40% off)

7. NEVER ride the tuktuk (they will rip you off)

8. learn how to count in thai and ask "how much?" (taw raey, or something like that)

9. do at least one touristic tour, like go to the Grand Palace (no shorts or short skirts there)

10.  buy "I Love the King" shirt and feel the love

11. talk to locals (good luck, their English is still bad) and share notes on how bad their PM Thaksin is and compare him to how bad GMA is

12. get stuck in the famous Bangkok traffic, have a chat with your taxi driver, and say "thank God, traffic is not this bad in Manila)

13.  go to Watson’s or Tesco and buy Colgate Herbal and Lux Shower Creme Lavender

14. eat Rotiboy, the best coffee bun in the whole wide world,

15. and the best, watch out for the baby elephant that walks around in the streets of Bangkok, buy 20 baht of sugar cane, feed the elephant, you can pet him/her, take video or photos with the elephant. he/she is so damn cute, you’d want to take him/her home (if your luggage permits). DUMBO comes alive. and the baby elephant has the best soulful eyes i’ve seen in animals. the best experience.

GGOOOOOOOOOOOO and Enjoy!!!!